Are you currently hyperfocused on a goal? Getting engaged, getting married, having a baby, finishing college, getting your first “real” job or buying a house? Or maybe you are focused on taking a dream trip, retiring or starting a new hobby? We all have goals we are working towards. In this piece, I want to focus on why being present in the moment and striving less can benefit your mental health.
I specialize in a few different things, including grief. I work with many people who are either nearing the end of their lives or have just lost someone dear to them. What I find is that many people have regrets. A common regret I hear is that people regret not spending more time with the people they love or not doing the things they love most. Whether they were trying to finish school, climb the corporate ladder or were immersed in some other time consuming activity, they are sad to have missed what they call “the important things in life.”
In a similar vein, many of my clients come in not always regretting the past, but feeling stuck in it. They are focused on a past loss or hurt or a difficult life experience. This is not uncommon and as someone who specializes in trauma, I understand the need for people to address past pain and hurt in order to move forward. However, those that do not do this work may show up late in their lives with similar regrets as my grief folks. They regret being so sad, angry, bitter or ____________ (put any emotion in this blank) that they missed out on savoring the good in life, sometimes whole seasons of good.
I recently listened to a Hidden Brain podcast called “Designing a Life that Matters”. The guest was Dave Evans who cited research, including research from Stanford, as to why we need to savor the present moments in our lives. People who deeply focus on what is right in front of them—the person, the experience, the moment—are generally happier. And people who keep racing to do the “next best thing” without cherishing the good along the way are not as happy.
Our society stresses striving, grinding and accomplishing goals. And there are seasons of grinding and reasons to strive. However, just as having and completing goals is important so is each moment in front of us. It is replacing the thought of “I have to” with “I get to.” The first example that comes to mind with using “get to” versus “have to” is in raising children. When you are getting up every 2-3 hours to feed or rock a baby, it can feel very “have to” as can the days that follow in which you are exhausted. Yet, nowadays, most people only have between 1 and 3 children. The sleeplessness that comes with a newborn will pass, as will all of the sweet middle of the night cuddles and rocking. There is something precious about a baby that can easily be missed if you are just wishing them older. I do want to add here that I am NOT talking about post-partum depression. Post-partum depression is a real and challenging disorder in which women highly benefit from therapy and/or medication to support them as they navigate motherhood.
Plan the event, make the trip, take the pictures.
One of my sayings is, “plan the event, make the trip, take the pictures.” I think this quote comes out of doing so much grief work. What I really mean is, enjoy your life. Do what makes you happy when you can and lean into it. Take the picture so you can look back and appreciate the moment just as you did when you were in it. And, even if you are working towards something—a goal of sorts—don’t miss the present moment. There will be good and hard moments. Lean into them, absorb them and practice gratitude when able. You just might be happier.
If you are feeling burned out or struggling to find joy and peace in the present moment, we can help. Our trained and seasoned clinicians can provide the knowledge and skills necessary to help you heal from the past, focus on the present and plan for the future. Call us today at 662-506-3836 to make an appointment.
